There you are, tumbling through the front door with your date like a scene out of a romantic comedy. It's pretty obvious you're about to hook up for the first time , and you feel all types of ways. Of course. But you might also be worried about making some kind of "mistake. While not everyone gets nervous when they're with someone new, it is totally normal to feel a bit self-conscious or awkward, or to wonder what's "OK" and what isn't. As sex and relationship therapist Courtney Geter , LMFT, tells Bustle, "These feelings can be triggered by thoughts about your sexual performance , body image issues, and comparing yourself to this person's other partners or hookups.
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A reasonably attractive young man strikes up a conversation with you about salt versus no salt margaritas, and pretty soon, it's come to the point that he's probably going to ask you to come home with him or invite himself back to your place. No matter how many times this happens, we have patterns that we follow when dealing with a first-time hookup. You hopefully successfully remember to close your bar tab. You curse yourself for forgetting to put your birth control in your purse. Why does hours-ago you never consider that future you might get laid? He totally might be gay, right? Even if you went home with someone last weekend, you still need to rehash in your head how this all happens.
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Excitement, trembling and fear, passion and doubt — how can you not feel such a set of conflicting emotions before having first-time sex with a new partner? You waited for this, both of you have prepared and have the same desire, and now … because of your bad experiences and possible mistakes, it may not end the way you wanted. How can you get used to a new sex partner and make your first experience together as pleasant as possible for the both of you? The most important thing is to pick the right time:
So, you're on a date and get the feeling that things could be headed toward a hookup. Maybe this person seems like a promising candidate for a future bae, or maybe you're just down for a casual thang. Either way, it's important to keep your eyes peeled for some red flags when hooking up. During the very early stages of getting to know someone, you can never be too cautious. The fact of the matter is that people can seem totally nice and normal